Dear People

Dear People,

You are amazing. You know that, right? Because we all have bad days. We all have days where we sit in bed and cry our eyes out. You want to know why you're amazing? Because you just keep going like the frikkin energizer bunny or something. You have the will to keep smiling even though you may be breaking on the inside.  The strength to wear your heart on your sleeve and take things as they come. You have the strength to brighten someone's day, even when you don't have the strength to brighten your own.

People are always more critical of themselves than everyone else is. Someone once told me not to take myself so seriously; no one else did. We're all human. We all have bad days, good days, okay days and maybe just 'there' days. We all feel like quitting, inspiring, hoping, dreaming, wishing, losing, hating, creating, faking, and being at one point or another. We're all good at some things and suck at others.

So, while I'm sitting here writing words of hope like the biggest hypocrite in the world, I want you to believe my words. Maybe if you believe them I will too.

Thank you, everyone. For showing me that there are amazing people out there. There are people who will care. A very important friend once told me that I was only pathetic to myself. I hope I have the courage to believe that.

You're all amazing.

With Love.

A Tough Habit

I stress about things. I was going to write a post about stressing about things but I started stressing that I couldn't find the right words. Writing should be a release, right? You shouldn't have to stress about finding the right words because if they are the right words they're going to come naturally.

I couldn't sleep because I was stressing about something that, this morning, I realized was a complete misunderstanding. And I'm stressing because I'm stressing because I think maybe other people will misunderstand the same thing in the same way. I'm stressing because I'm stressing because I'm stressing over things. I didn't sleep because I was stressing. If I had slept I wouldn't be stressing over stressing. I wouldn't be stressing about not having the right words.


But for now on, I'm going to try and take a friend of mine's advice; 'don't worry so much.' Because, you know what? In the end everything is going to be okay one way or another. That's already one of my convictions (things can't not get better). So, if I believe that everything will be okay why should I stress about the little things that aren't a big deal?

It's going to be a tough habit to break. Because you know what? I grew up stressing. Over finances, hurt horses, hurt parents, grades, and stupid things. I'm not saying that you should never stress. You wouldn't have any will to fix things, but maybe I shouldn't stress so much.

This seems a lot more personal than my other posts. But I'm not going to stress about it. :)

Regret

I haven't always been outgoing and spontaneous and (mostly) indifferent to peoples opinions of me. I used to be so worried about people thought of me. I hid behind my shy mask, so people wouldn't have the grounds to judge me. They did anyways, so I decided to do something different.

So, this year was the year I peeled my shy mask away. I just didn't do it soon enough, because there are so many people that I didn't get close to because of that. And now there's no time to get close, because the year that I finally became myself is coming down to an end. It'll be summer, and so many opportunities will be gone forever.

I've always been the type to regret what I didn't do, rather than what I did. That's why I moved here. That's why I did track. There's a few things I've done this year because I knew I would regret it if I didn't. So now, sitting here, I regret not getting closer to people.

I'm debating putting this up. But I will, because it goes that, in the end, I'd regret it if I didn't.

Courage Is

I've been wanting to write about courage for a while because quite a few things in my life have been revolving around it lately. I just haven't found the words until now.

Is it courage that makes you say things that need to be said? Sometimes I think you have to have courage to say things that need to be said to a person who is too close to the situation and accept the repercussions of anger. They're going to be angry with you for disagreeing, but I've never been one to simply agree because it was easier.

Other times, when things need to be said, it is for your own benefit, and there might not be many repercussions at all, but what needs to be said is something you have to say, simply because you feel the need to. Is that courage?

Is it courage that makes someone accept a terrible fact and do the things you need to do to fix it? It's not their fault, but they are not okay, and deep down, I think they know they're not okay. I just want them to have the courage to accept facts.

I do not think true courage is facing down a hungry wolf in the dead of night. That takes on a different aspect such as the primal need to survive. I believe courage is standing up for what you believe in and accepting the repercussions. I believe that courage is maintaining your convictions because you are being true to who you are before you're being true to someone else. Courage is putting your ideas out there for everyone to see and not being afraid of their opinions, and it is focusing on your strengths rather than weaknesses. In a poem I once read, Our Greatest Fear by Marianne Williamson, it states that we are afraid of how magnificent we are rather than how much we are a failure. It is courage that lets you accept that you are afraid of the light in you, and it's courage that let's you believe you have light in the first place. Are you going to be courageous?

Convictions, Maturity, and Life Experiences.

And so it goes that one of my firmest convictions in life is that maturity matters more than age. Maturity comes with age, sure, but there are those that are mature for their age. Life experiences affect maturity more than age alone, anyways. A boy whose family struggled to get by and copes with his older brother in a gang is going to be more mature than a girl the same age who had a fairly stable family, simply because his life experiences were more difficult and he was stronger for it.

This goes on, and another of my firmest convictions in life is that every life experience we endure is meant to change us in some way, and hopefully it changes us for the better. Everything we get through will make us stronger, and we'll always be a little better for it.If we handle the hard times with the best of our intentions, we'll always get through if we don't give in, and if we don't give in we'll always get through.

Keep It Going.

And so it goes there are people that won't like you, won't tolerate you, or won't even acknowledge you. These are the people you just don't see eye to eye with, that you're on a totally different field. You don't have to be friends with these people, but keep it civil. You don't need your personal arguments and feuds, jealousies, and spiteful words out there for the world to see. Keep it between you and the person involved. Don't spread things around, even if they are true.

This goes back to the whole corny "Treat unto others as they treat unto you," but instead, try treating people better than they treat you. Important people in my life have always said to kill them with kindness, because no matter how hateful they are, they've got their own reasons and their own problems. Besides, the people that matter won't believe, or even if they do they just ignore them, the rumors circulating the air and treat you like they've always have.

So-- I'm going to keep being kind, keep trying to make people's day just a little bit brighter, and always be there for someone to talk to. Because that's what I would want them to do for me to show they care. Keep that love going, because life's just going to keep going and keep moving faster.

Acceptance

And so it goes that sometimes people just have to accept facts. For instance, I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm not going to be a great basketball player. I'm not giving up hope on becoming a player that's more than somewhat decent, if that's what it seems like, but I'm just accepting the fact that it's not my strong suit. While I'll still try hard, I'm not going to be disappointed if I'm not a Varsity starter or even make at all Varsity next year. I'm just going to work hard and do my best for the team I'm on. It's all anyone can ask of anyone when it comes to sports.

There are harder things to accept, I know.The fact that the way you feel, while it matters, doesn't change anything. The fact that a loved one isn't going to make much longer in this world, and you'll see your family stomp and kick and scream death in the face and it doesn't make a bit of a difference. The fact that sometimes you can't do enough for the person you know is going through a hard time. The fact that sometimes, you're just not good enough. Or even sometimes, you're the only things keeping a person from falling apart.