Random Stuff, from December 'till now.

Underestimated

People underestimate the breath I take
People underestimate the moves I make

But I keep going
But I keep trying

Because I know that one day
I will no longer underestimate myself

My Turn to Say Something

You say you would do anything for me.

So why is it that you complain about the things you do do for me?

You say there's barely enough time. You say there's not enough money.

You use the things you do do for me to manipulate me into doing what you want. You bring it up, tell me how great you are. Tell me what a bad situation my needing something has put you in.

Every time I try to tell you how you make me feel you push it back on me. You tell me that it's my fault. My feelings are wrong. I'm just a hormonal teenager, my feelings don't mean anything.

So listen here. Hormonal or not there is a cause for my feelings. Nothing is without cause or effect, nothing is random.

 If you say you loved me so much, why do you try to bend me to your will for every little thing? You tell me that I'm stubborn, that I don't listen, I don't know what I'm talking about. You tell me that I'll understand when I'm older.

It's a damn good thing I'm stubborn; otherwise I'd end up exactly like you.

I'm not the only one that's no longer blind. I'm not the only one who sees.

Well, guess what? I am old enough. I see through your games and I'm not playing anymore. If only you saw as well as I do.

Here, There, Feeling and Unfeeling.

Before, I was numb. I did not feel because I was trapped. I was trapped under ice so thick that only the worst of emotions could reach me, and then only dimly. So, I focuses on being angry, sad, pessimistic, frustrated. All so I could feel. I'd gotten into the habit of feeling the bad, so much so that I forgot how to feel the good.

Now, it feels as if I've woken up for the very first time. I've broken through the surface of the frozen lake. I struggled at first, struggling to cast off the habits of negativity. I had to teach myself to focus on the good things, teach myself to be more optimistic.

But most of all, I've allowed myself to feel, and to feel deeply.

It feels good.

Diamonds

Every diamond has cuts and facets. So many fronts and faces that can either be good or bad. All of these cuts and facets, fronts and faces are unique to that individual gem. These pieces make up the whole, and if you focus on the whole you see that it is beautiful. Each one shines brightly in its own way.

Card Houses

There's a house of cards
If one falls so does another
Till they're all laying on top of each other

They look to each other for support
Leaning together to stay upright
They know they share a single fight

So fragile they are
One blow could leave them falling
By then no one would hear them calling

Still, they stand tall
Building each other up high
High enough to reach the sky.

But if one falls so does the other
Until they're all laying on top of one another

Anger

I've felt this anger before

Boiling, hot, and righteous

Can barely contain it

But I keep it in

Letting it out all at once

won't help

Words

Written words make it real. They last far longer than those spoken. Spoken words linger for only a moment before dissipating in the air, kept only in the mind. Written words can be erased, but the ink or lead sticks in the grains of the paper; you can never completely erase them. If your private words had gotten out, they could easily be seen, copied, and spread around. Words and thoughts kept in the mind are even more sacred. Hidden from all, sometimes even yourself, they are not there for people to see or hear, agree with or judge.