SSS

"I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup"

-Calling All Angels, Train

I'm running out of options
I'm running out of time
It's seems I'll never
Reach that finish line

I've tried to be happy
I've tried to be true
But it hurts so bad
Because all I want is you

I'd hand you my heart
Saying "take it, it's all I've got"
And we'd get a start
That I'd have never thought

I've ran the race
More than I care to remember
And always finished last
Like the last month is December

They say you learn more from loss
And I guess I've learned a lot
But learning nothing from winning
Can tear a hole that burns hot

I exaggerate perhaps
When I claim to not be over you
It's the idea I think
The thought of you

If life were easy
I'd always win
But I guess it's a game
For this reason

You can't always win
Some never do
For me, though
I hope that's not true

Note Card Poems

Boxes

Like a box of memories
You take me back
to those good ol' days

Songs and Stories

I need a song

A story to tell

A place in my heart

Where good things dwell

Sunblossoms

Swirl of colors

Bright as blossoms

You make me feel them

In my soul

Sound of Music

It's like music

Like raindrops on tin

It's like hope

Like a good storybook

It's like joy

Like bubbles on a summer's day

It's like life

It's like the sweet little things

Silence Sucks Saturdays

"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me."

Superman (It's Not Easy), Five For Fighting

Silence Sucks Saturdays

"You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before"

-"Never Say Never." The Fray

I'm pretty sure I don't know what I want anymore. I used to, but now I don't. I heard a quote somewhere that "it's miserable to not be able to have what you want most. And it is. But it's impossible to not know what you want."

And I totally agree. While I'm totally depressed when I know what I want but I also know that I can't have it. But when I don't what I want I'm just kind of numb. I have fun, and I feel things, but I don't feel them deeply.

Deep feelings are what people live for. It's why we're human. Deep feelings that run like canyons in the depth of the soul, with roaring rivers at the bottom.

It's what life is all about. And when you don't know what you want it's hard to feel your heart.

Jitters

Coffee gives me the jitters.
The sweet, bold flavor's got me addicted
And running high

You used to do that to me
Give me the the jitters
Butterflies in my stomach
Tongue tied in knots
Brain abuzz like it's swirling with caffeine

It's gone now
The feeling
Because it was one-sided
Because of the distance
Because of the time

Maybe it's better
Maybe it's not

But it's a bold flavor, sweet and robust all in it's own
You just can't make in your home
You can't feel it all alone

Silence Sucks Saturday

"And the street lights say never mind, never mind

And the canyon lines say never mind

The sunset says we see this all the time, never mind

Never you mind"

-John Mayer, In Your Atmosphere

You still make me feel like a fool

But it's okay

I guess

I'll get over it

I had Districts for band today. We got an overall score of 2, and 1+ is the best you can get. So I feel pretty good about it. . . . except I had to miss my little sister's birthday party.

I couldn't stop laughing, and everyone would laugh even harder because of it.

I saw a green tenor saxophone today. It was kind of ugly, but the black and silver ones made my day.

I just had the best cup of cold coffee of my life. It always makes me feel good. Call me an addict, I don't care.

I feel like I'm silent too much, never saying what really in my heart needs to be said. Perhaps it's better for everyone else if it goes unsaid.

Probably.

Maybe. 

I wish I was good at something. I'm decent at a lot of things, but I'm not jaw-dropping amazing at any of them. Mediocre fits me pretty well, but whatever.

We have another concert Tuesday. I actually care about this one because the Jazz band I'm in is performing.

I missed last Saturday because I was visiting my father and he doesn't have internet.

Ah, well. 

Coffee time again, I think <3