Unfeeling

I need to write more. Not because people need to read it, which ,really, I'm fairly sure no one does unless I tell them to. But I need to. Because I think I've lost myself somewhere along the way. I am upset a lot of the time, either angry or sad or I just don't know. Maybe through writing I can find myself again. Except I feel as if there's nothing to write about, because I don't feel anything these days. I'm numb and even when I'm angry or sad I'm still numb. I hate that nothing really happens to me, and I'm still upset.

I can't even write about how I don't feel anything.

I need to find something that makes me feel.

God, this sucks

Check Engine

You're not good
                      like my 'check engine' light
You're not good
                                                              You could be if you tried
                                          be the one that gets me tongue tied
                                                              You could be if you tried
Don't you hurt me
                      because I know you will
Don't you hurt me
                                                                     I'd love you, if you'd let me
                                                      earn my trust and keep it too
                                                                     I'd love you, if you'd let me
Let me show you the sweeter side
                  things that mean more than trophies or pride
Let me show you the sweeter side
                                                                             Baby, just let me help you
                                                                 bring out that good deep down
                                                                             Baby, just let me help you

                                                     It'll save us both the long way around

SSS

"Step to the edge, you and I

And we fall below

Take a breath, hold my hand

And now you're not alone"

- Munich, The Fray

SSS

It's Sunday... not Saturday. Oh, well.

"And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world"

- Ellie Goulding, Your Song

It must be the worst thing in the world to feel like the only option you have it to end your life. I don't think the people that feel this way understand that their story is worth something. Their past is worth telling, and their future is worth being written.

Do they not see the lights? Do they not see all these people walking around, each having their own story to tell? Do they not see the care in their loved ones eyes?

It's like closing a book in the middle of the story, and once you shut it, you can't open it again.

It just saddens me. I want everyone to see their own light, I want them to realize their story is worth telling. I don't want anyone to feel so alone.

SSS

Silence Sucks Saturday....

Well... It's Sunday. Get over it, I was busy!

And I'm done being rude. Happy Easter, everyone!

"Never let your fear decide your fate."

- Kill Your Heroes, Awolnation

Sometimes there are those mistakes in life that could either be one of the more stupid things you do or it could turn into something worthwhile. When you're a teenager you're supposed to make stupid mistakes, do stupid things. The reservations and careful calculating are supposed to be something adults have because they've acquired it.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that you have to live your life. You can't not do things because you're afraid. What kind of life is that?

"I don't want to drive in a big city because I'm afraid."

You're going to miss the lights, and the people who all have their own story, the grand wonder of all these people and places and things. You'll stay home in your little world and won't ever know anything else.

"I don't want to ask her/him out because she/he might say no."

What if she/he doesn't say no? What if she/he says yes? You'd miss out on a tender and monumental time in a teenager's (and probably some adult's) life. And if she/he does say no? Well, it's going to hurt. But you should feel proud that you had the courage in your heart to go for it despite the risk.

Just live your life. Don't be too afraid to live it, because that's not really living at all.

Ten Minutes - Paulo Coelho

Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?

If I Knew

If I Knew what I was doing I'd be doing it. Because I'm only a sophomore.... only a sophomore? NO! I'm a sixteen year old girl that turned her depressing self-esteem issues into confidence that borderlines vanity. I play the tenor saxophone.

And I'm pretty bomb at it. I write. Anything, really. Stories, poems,........ blogs. Obviously. I love my friends. LOVE them. But... my old friends from my old home. My new friends.... they're my friends but I don't know if I'll ever be as close to them as those from before.

I like jewelry. Any kind, really. Dangly earrings, hoops, lockets, bangles, anything I just happen to like. That's kind of how I dress, too.

I love music. I can fall into it, let it wash over me like waves over rocks and smooth the rough edges of my soul.

...............

Corny, I know. But it's true.

I don't like things because other people like it. I like things because I like them.

I don't like people hurting each other, and I don't like to see people hurting. I'll help if I can.

I drive a red car.

I'm uber boy crazy. But aren't all near vain, 16 year old girls?

I'm just me. I don't play games.

I'm just me. But that's a lot. I'm not "only a" anything.

SSS

"I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup"

-Calling All Angels, Train

I'm running out of options
I'm running out of time
It's seems I'll never
Reach that finish line

I've tried to be happy
I've tried to be true
But it hurts so bad
Because all I want is you

I'd hand you my heart
Saying "take it, it's all I've got"
And we'd get a start
That I'd have never thought

I've ran the race
More than I care to remember
And always finished last
Like the last month is December

They say you learn more from loss
And I guess I've learned a lot
But learning nothing from winning
Can tear a hole that burns hot

I exaggerate perhaps
When I claim to not be over you
It's the idea I think
The thought of you

If life were easy
I'd always win
But I guess it's a game
For this reason

You can't always win
Some never do
For me, though
I hope that's not true